genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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