There was a lot of him and a little penis
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
