She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
