how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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