The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
