Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
