so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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