i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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