he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I did not marry a roomba.
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