I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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