Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
