I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
