I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize