His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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