turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so let's talk penis.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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