Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
