You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is not my ceiling
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
