need another drink. this is the easiest way
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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