I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
