I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
