so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
