You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
