So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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