u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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