What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
