So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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