you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
