You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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