Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
