Non-Jews are for practice
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
