He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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