i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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