Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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