Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
