So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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