i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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