She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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