Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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