please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
