due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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