Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
