maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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