I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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