can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
