Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And then my night got REAL pukey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
