My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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