So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
