If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
