I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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