i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
