It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i now understand why vodka
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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