I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Never let your siblings swipe right.
is it fun? or sober?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
