if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
