My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
