I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
