so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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