is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
