I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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