thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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