The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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