Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
