I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
