I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
