Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
high people should be assigned attendants
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
