Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
