What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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